Darth Vaders Top Ten Pet Peeves

10. Having to live a good part of my live with the name 'Anakin.'

9. Obi-Wan Kenobi keeps appearing in the middle of the night saying 'I told you so!'

8. Boba Fett gets all the chicks.

7. All I did was torture hundreds of innocent people, wipe out an entire generation of Jedi Knights, assist in destroying the rightful government in exchange for a malevolent dictatorship, destroy a planet, torture my daughter that I didn't even know existed, chop off my son's hand and I'm the bad guy.

6. The way G.M. tries to skirt around installing new safety features (Whoops! Sorry, that's a Ralph Nader pet peeve).

5. That darn Energizer bunny.

4. Whenever I eat at a KFC, everyone jokes that I'll only eat dark meat.

3. Wiseguys who come up to me saying 'This is CNN.'

2. When appearing together at military functions, The Emperor always insists on wearing his 'I'm with stupid' T-shirt.

1. I'm seen as a dark lord representative of all that's evil, but Newt Gingrich is a national celebrity.

         I am Jedi

Things You Will Never Hear Yoda Say

What expect you from someone 900 years old? English perfect???

Size matters not...hey, what are you laughing at?

Lift THAT ship?! You must be out of your mind

I cannot teach him. IQ of 30 has he. Hangs upside down in ice caves.

Duct Tape...the Force it is like. Both a light side and a dark side it has. Binds the universe together it does!

Remember all that stuff Obi-Wan taught you? Forget it.

Yeah, well oneness with the universe doesn't put food on the plate, junior.

No...there is another. Let's hope as stupid, she is not.

Never underestimate the powers of the dark side. Or is that Regis Philbin?

I cannot teach him. Land an X-wing, he cannot even.

Never underestimate the power of the dark side... or duct tape.

Yeah yeah. Force this!

Anger, fear, merchandising...the Dark Side are they!

I didn't want this job! I wanted Marlon Brando's role in 'Apocalypse Now!'

No Force? Take this, impudent nonbeliever! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

So how did you like the funhouse in the cave, Luke?

Quite frankly, Mr. Skywalker, if Obi-Wan wasn't dead, I'd have him expelled.

Oh, yes, well if you're going could you take this robe to the cleaners for me? I've been wearing it for over 800 years on this stinkhole and it doesn't... Oh, judge me on my smell, will you?

Well it may be spooky, but it saves cost on burial plots and it beats cremation.

Luke, don't ask what the Force can do for you.. But what you can do for the Force.

         I am Jedi